she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
