Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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