in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
