Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
