I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
