the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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