K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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