Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize