3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
