My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
