I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
