she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
