Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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