I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
