..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
