guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
