my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
