I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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