come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
