He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
