I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
