I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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