my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
