Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
