I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
