I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
