my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
