i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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