You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize