I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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