he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
