Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
