Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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