So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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