I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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