my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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