the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize