Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
