it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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