Pants 0. Shit 1.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
