You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
