he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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