You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize