dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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