She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
