its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
