my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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