If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
