Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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