Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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