I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
