Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
