my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
