YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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