My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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