i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
