Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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