I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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