so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
