Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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