hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
