Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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