omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
