She's JV to your varsity
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
