from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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