he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
