I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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