and you said cock pushups were impossible
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There are leaves in my underwear?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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