did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
