i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
