I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
