But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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