Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
