Why are handjobs necessary in class?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize