Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
