i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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