I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
