So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
